Readings and words for a celebration of life

A well-chosen reading gives a celebration of life a moment where nobody has to find their own words. It does not have to be a poem, and it does not have to be sad. This guide explains how to choose, where a reading fits in the service, and offers a starting list you can use without permission worries.

How to choose

Ask one question first: what would they have liked? A reading is for the person you are honouring as much as for the room.

• Match the person, not the occasion. A gardener's service can have a passage about seasons. A sailor's, something about the sea. A funny person deserves a reading with a smile in it.
• One or two is enough. More than that and the service starts to feel like a recital. Give the stories room.
• Choose the reader carefully. Someone steady, who can be heard, and who is not so close to the loss that finishing would be a struggle. I am always glad to read if nobody wants to.
• Read it aloud before the day. Some texts are beautiful on the page and awkward in the mouth.
• Short beats long. Under two minutes.

Where a reading fits

A typical order of service for a celebration of life runs: gathering music, welcome, a reading or reflection, the tribute (the life story), shared memories, a second reading or a poem, closing words, music. A reading early on settles the room; a reading near the end sends people out with something to carry. You do not need both.

Public-domain poems and passages

The texts below are old enough to be free of copyright, so they can be printed in a programme, read aloud and shared without asking anyone. I have described each rather than reproduced it in full; a quick search will bring up the words.

"Remember" by Christina Rossetti (1862). A sonnet that ends by giving the mourner permission to forget and smile rather than remember and be sad. Gentle, and very often chosen for a parent.

"Crossing the Bar" by Alfred, Lord Tennyson (1889). The sea as the crossing from life to whatever comes next. Suits anyone who loved water, or a quiet faith.

"Death Is Nothing at All" by Henry Scott Holland (1910). Originally part of a sermon, it speaks in the voice of the person who has died: I have only slipped away into the next room. Comforting and direct.

"When I Am Dead, My Dearest" by Christina Rossetti (1862). Lighter than "Remember", almost teasing in its refusal of grief.

"I Am Not There" / "Do Not Stand at My Grave and Weep", attributed to Mary Elizabeth Frye (1932). Widely read at services; the author is generally accepted as having placed it in the public domain, and it appears in countless orders of service.

"Song of Myself" (section 52) by Walt Whitman (1855). "I bequeath myself to the dirt to grow from the grass I love." For someone who loved the outdoors and disliked ceremony.

"A Psalm of Life" by Henry Wadsworth Longfellow (1838). Forward-looking and energetic, for a person who was always busy doing.

Ecclesiastes 3:1–8. "To every thing there is a season." Familiar to almost everyone and works in a non-religious service as well as a religious one.

Psalm 23. For families who want a single, recognisable passage of scripture without a full liturgy.

"Gone From My Sight", often attributed to Henry Van Dyke (d. 1933). A ship leaving the harbour, watched from the shore, arriving somewhere else to a shout of "Here she comes!" A favourite for its final line.

Rumi, "Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing and rightdoing" (13th century). The original is in the public domain, though modern English translations may not be; use an older translation or paraphrase.

Modern readings that are often chosen

Many contemporary poems are read at services: works by Mary Oliver, Wendell Berry, John O'Donohue, David Harkins ("He is Gone" / "She is Gone"), Rabindranath Tagore, and passages from novels the person loved. Reading a modern text aloud at a private service is fine; printing it in a programme or posting it online may need permission. If you have a favourite, tell me and I will help you fit it in.

Writing something of your own

Sometimes the best reading is a paragraph one of you writes. A method that works:

1. Write down three moments you remember with them, in as much detail as you can.
2. Pick the one that shows who they were, not what they did.
3. Write it as you would tell it to a friend. One page, large font.
4. End with one sentence about what you will keep from them.

It does not have to rhyme, be profound or be finished. It has to be true.

What I bring

When I officiate, I arrive with a folder of readings sorted by tone: comfort, gratitude, humour, faith, nature, the sea, gardens, music. We look at them together after I have heard about the person, and choose the one or two that sound like them. If you are planning a service this week, my gentle checklist for a celebration of life may help, and you are welcome to get in touch at any hour.