Humanist weddings in Ontario: what they are, and why they are legal

A Humanist wedding is a ceremony without religion that is still a legal marriage. It is written around the two of you, your values and the people who matter to you, and in Ontario it is performed by an officiant registered under the Marriage Act. I am one, registered through Humanist Canada. Here is what that means.

What makes a wedding Humanist

Humanism is a non-religious outlook that puts people, reason and kindness at the centre. A Humanist wedding follows from that:

• It is about you. Your story, what you promise each other and why, in words you recognize as yours.
• It is non-religious, not anti-religious. There are no prayers by default. If your families want a blessing or a reading from their tradition, it can have a place, read by someone who belongs to that tradition.
• Nothing is required except the legal part. No set script, no set length, no set place.

Couples choose it because neither of them is religious, because they come from two traditions and want neutral ground, or because they want every word to mean something. Every couple is welcome, whatever their background, beliefs, gender identity or orientation.

Why it is legal in Ontario

Ontario lets religious bodies register officiants to solemnize marriages, and Humanist Canada (the Humanist Association of Canada) has been offering marriages in Ontario since 1996 under that part of the Marriage Act. Its officiants appear on the Province's list of registered officiants, so a Humanist wedding is as legal as one in a church or at City Hall.

Becoming one takes time. Humanist Canada asks for at least a year of membership, an essay, interviews and every training module, and says the process generally takes 12 months or more; my own training took two years.

Ontario is unusual. Humanist Canada reports that applications in Quebec and British Columbia were rejected on the grounds that Humanism is not a religion, so in most of Canada a non-religious couple goes to a marriage commissioner or another civil official instead.

What the law still asks for

A Humanist wedding has the same legal requirements as any other in Ontario:

• a marriage licence, valid for three months (how to get one);
• two witnesses who understand what they are witnessing;
• the two of you, your witnesses and the officiant physically present;
• your consent, spoken clearly by each of you;
• the licence signed and sent to the Registrar General, which I do within two days.

What the ceremony can look like

A typical Humanist ceremony runs fifteen to twenty-five minutes:

1. A welcome that says why everyone is here.
2. Your story, told briefly and honestly.
3. A reading: a poem, a passage from a novel, a few lines a friend wrote.
4. Your vows, your own or ones we write together.
5. A ritual if you want one: handfasting, a shared drink, a moment with your families.
6. The rings and the legal declarations.
7. The pronouncement, and the signing.

Everything except the legal part is yours to keep, change or drop.

What it costs with me

The Simple Legal Service is $300: up to 25 minutes, legally complete. The Signature Ceremony is $500: a consultation, a ceremony written for the two of you, help with your vows, a rehearsal, and the licence filed. Travel is free within 25 km of Hamilton, then $0.70 per km past the first 25 km, one way. See weddings and prices, or tell me about your day.

If you are writing your own vows, start with how to write vows that sound like you.